I can only like in my condition to the body inwardly decomposing I am so tired. The mind is vigilant all day no rest, terror stricken in public from possible lust, I live in perpetual war of the mind just about every waking moment I am alive. It’s not that I want to die. It’s […]

Christian Deconstruction when people denounce their faith because of religious trauma

Deconstruction is tragedy often paved the way by false ministers and religious hypocrites who are not of Christ. I follow The Carpenter but I still wrestle with these things.

I was a beast before thee

Finding comfort in the Psalmist Asaph with accusations of God and embitterment with him

SAULS RISE AND FALL

This entry was from a few weeks ago I’m in a better place mentally now thank God. I was able to go see the brethren in the church for a short time. Hearing a message on the fall of Saul was a timely reminder of what pride can do to a man. I wrestle with […]

A living contradiction the cycling of madness

Spiraled out last night now I’m here.

Disorderly but God is orderly

These next posts I will try to keep in order as best I can. I’ve worked on many of them at once, and my thoughts have been scattered. If something seems out of place, that is why. My prayer is to stay consistent in the blog and the ministry — not for my own sake, […]

Why

Why am I who I am. Why am I so weak and tired feeling like a 90 year old man at 27 no amount of rest is enough. Darkness has become my companion. Angry enough to die and there’s nothing I can do about it. Im ashamed of my existence and sorrowful onto death.

Numerous words of foolish counsel and creative ruin of the mind in the pursuit of the gospel

God it seems has rekindled my passion for editing again as of late. I’ll be up nights consumed with ideas for the gospel and the ministry, I went hard for the world when I lived for it so I may as well for the gospel is Jesus not worthy? I started recording videos for the […]

The appointed time has grown shorter than before

The view was pleasant while getting my monthly infusion the other day. Gods creation never ceases to amaze me some days, other days I’ll disregard it. I have been stepping out recording again, videos for the gospel. I cringe and wince at the fact of calling it “preaching” so to ease my conscience I tell […]

The Mind is War

I try so hard to rest in His Grace but it’s as if I’m walking on thorns and thistles. Always telling people I’m fine and the same with the brethren, because it if I vented how I really felt it would just weigh someone down. Feeling like a 90 year old man from ms and […]